Month: November 2015

85 Years Married and Going Strong

By: Christopher D. Adams, MFT

In 2009, the record was set for the longest marriage; Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher had been married for 85 years.  When I heard this I was so impressed and so I began to search to find how they have been so successful. Marriage is hard for every couple at one point or another and I wanted to hear how they got through the hard times.

In an interview that they gave on Valentines Day, they answered 14 questions about their relationship and how their marriage could survive that long. As I read up on their journey I heard them discuss arguments that they have had over the years. Zelmyra cited a way toward success for them was “learning to bend, not break.”

As a marriage and family therapist, I spend a lot of time with individuals who are at their breaking point.  The imagery of a straw that breaks the back of the proverbial camel is a visual that is discussed regularly in my office. If you are approaching that break point or you may even feel that you have been broken several times in the past, you deserve some help to know how to bend and not break.  At Connections Counseling Service, we pride ourselves in helping couples to bend and repair their relationships before and after that straw has been placed on tired shoulders.

Herbert and Zelmyra remind us that,  “marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win!”

If your marriage has become a contest, if you feel that not only are you loosing the game but that you are just getting too tired to play, please call us and set up a consultation.  It is not too late to give it another shot. Let us help the two of you get back on the same team.

 

Bringing Back the Joy of Marriage

By: Christopher Adams, AMFT

 

In the micro culture of a marriage, we make lots of decisions. There is an entire system of rules and expectations that are consciously and unconsciously decided by our partner and us.  Unfortunately, couples fight and often times it is about this system that isn’t making sense.

In their book, Love that Lasts, Gary and Joy Lundberg talk about how to survive the arguments of marriage.  One of the best things that a couple can do is to make a conscious decision to laugh.

As a Marriage and Family Therapist I have learned the value of helping my clients to see the humor in the arguments that they are having and teaching them to do the same.  This does not mean that I do not take seriously the hurts and betrayals that occur in the marriage relationship.  There are many tears and devastations that come in the course of couples counseling, however, as Marie Osmond has said,  “If you are going to look back at something and laugh, why not do it now.”

Laughter in marriage can have a powerful effect.  It creates chemical releases that allow the human body to bond and to repair hurts both past and present. If you and your spouse have forgotten how to laugh together, come and see us at Connections Counseling Center and let us help you to bring the joy back into your relationship.

You both deserve to laugh, let’s see if you can do it together.