When you get married, everyone always says “Communication is key!” But what happens if you don’t know how to communicate well? It takes a lot of time and effort to learn how to communicate with your spouse, and most of the time it is easier said than done.
If you want to have a stronger marriage, you must learn how to communicate. Here are 5 ways that you both can improve your communication in your marriage!
Listen respectively
One of the most vital parts of communication is being able to listen. It’s easy to want to jump in with answers to your spouse’s concern or defensively interject while your spouse is speaking. Instead of immediately thinking of answers, try actively listening and soaking up every word they are saying. This way, you can get a sense of their
emotions and better understand what they are saying. It’s an active choice to listen to your spouse. It shows them how much you value the things they say, and ultimately how much you love them.
Be completely honest
If you and your spouse are in the middle of a disagreement or your feelings have been hurt, communicate that. No good comes from holding in the things you are feeling. Both of your feelings are valid and need to be fully communicated in order to resolve the issue and learn how to handle it differently the next time. Also, be proactive about telling your spouse the truth when problematic situations arise. Keep each other accountable and don’t leave room for misinterpretation. Hiding things from your spouse can end in
distrust and brokenness.
Turn off your phone
These days we are easily distracted by these things called phones! They can potentially become a huge barrier in your communication with your spouse! Schedule time to turn off your electronics and focus on spending quality time with each other. Whether it’s in the evenings when you get home from work, or all day every Sunday… Whatever works best for the both of you, make sure you schedule that time. It reaffirms your priorities and lets your spouse know that you are fully present with them.
Use more “I” statements and less “you” statements
This lessens the chance of your spouse feeling defensive! Tell your spouse how their actions make you feel instead of accusing them of being unloving or uncaring. Start by saying, “I feel… because…” instead of “You make me so mad… you never…”
Positively affirm each other
In a marriage, sometimes it can be easier to express negative feelings rather than positive ones to your spouse. But in order to strengthen the health of your marriage, it’s crucial that you intentionally affirm your spouse. Tell them how much you appreciate, respect, adore, and love them on a daily basis. Make it a habit to compliment your spouse more than you complain. That way when problems arise, they will be more attentive to your complaint.
There are hundreds of little ways that we can all improve our communication. But one vital piece to the puzzle is your intentionality. Communicate with your spouse with the intention that you want to know them better and on a deeper level. On some days, it is extremely difficult. Make the choice to show them love anyway.
“Communication is the lifeline of any relationship.”
-Elizabeth Bourgeret
If you’d like additional help to improve or enhance your marriage, contact us at Connections Counseling at 801.272.3420
