It’s the biggest decision of your life. Are you ready to consider it? What do you know about yourself that makes you feel it’s time to move towards that next step? Maybe you have met “the one”—how do you know? Is your readiness based on attraction and passion alone? Marriage means experiencing life with someone who stands with you —shoulder to shoulder as a willing and committed partner. It’s important to be sure you have enough information about yourself to increase your chances of picking the right one for longterm happiness.
Here are 10 questions to help you do that. These 10 questions are open ended and broad; created to help you explore and expound upon key concepts and beliefs in your life style. They are not meant to measure your “sameness” with another but are an aid to bring about awareness—to stimulate insight and understanding about the system that governs the way you live, or hope to live. Whether you’re in a current relationship or not, take adequate time to explore your inner beliefs, tendencies, and expectations.
1) What are your core values?
Is there a motto you live by? What shapes your everyday actions with others? What practices and principles govern your decisions? What do you hold dear? What can’t you live without? Why? Why not? (This may include concepts such as honesty, compassion, commitment, respect, loyalty, humor, courage, fitness, service, etc.)
2) Do you rely on a higher power?
Do you depend upon or have faith in a higher power? Does that power take first place over a spouse? If so what is your devotion to this power and how much does it influence your daily life decisions. When do you worship? Why do you worship? How important is it that your partner worship with you?
3) What are your beliefs surrounding money and spending?
What do you imagine your role being in a committed relationship when it comes to financial stability? Will you work? Are you the sole support? Is debt allowed? What are your feelings about spending? What are necessities and what are wants? Do you expect your partner to work or contribute financially? How much?
4) Do you have a short term and long term plan?
Where do you see yourself in 6 months or in one year? What are your goals five years from now and what are the steps you have taken to get there? In ten years where would you like to live? What education do you plan to have or not have? Do you want a vocation? Would you like to move away? How do you imagine yourself living?
5) What is your definition of Family?
What does a family mean to you? If family is of great importance then what do you imagine your future family to look like? Do you want children? How many? How and where do you see yourself raising them? What role will you play in the family and what role do you see your future partner playing? What duties or responsibilities do each of you hold? How does the family function? What relationships take priority? Who talks to who, how and when?
6) Who do you turn to in times of heartache, financial trouble, or hard times?
Now that you have a committed partner, is there room for others? Do you have friends outside of your marriage? How much time is spent with them? What conversations can you share with friends and what remains with in the bounds of your partnership? How much time is devoted to people outside the relationship? Do you have friends together? Separate? Both? Neither?
8) What is your Answerability?
In other words, are you able to be open, honest and accountable to another? Are you approachable with feedback? How do you feel when you are in a position of accountability? Are you teachable? Are you a team player, a leader or a dictator? What is your level of openness? Would you call yourself and open or a closed book? If so does it change with your relationships?
9) Do I change when under pressure? Sick or anxious?
Does your personality change when you’re stressed? Do you get quiet or withdrawn? Do you push through even when you feel lousy or ill? Do you get anxious? How would your partner know when you are? Do you cry? What happens? Do you notice? Can you tell when you’re anxious about certain topics, circumstances or people?
10) What is sex about in your relationship?
What does sex mean to you? When, how and why? What place will it have in your future? How much weight does it carry in the relationship? Are you comfortable talking about it? Are you at peace with your own sexuality?
As you take a look at yourself, you may gain insight regarding a compatible partner. Also, ask yourself if your answers are evident in the way you live; in other words, would others be able to guess some of the answers by the way you conduct your life. Next blog we will discuss the best place to look for that special someone!