Addictive minds have a hypersensitivity to perceived injustices against themselves. While they see themselves as reacting fairly to an unjust reality, to the outside observer – especially their wives and mothers and other women close to them – they are easily seen as acting like babies.
For most sex addicts, lust, and self-pity regarding the way we might be treated by a women are so closely tied together that we began to notice that we feel the tone of one as we are tempted to go into the other and visa versa. As I have practiced letting go of expectations of how a woman should feel about me and treat me, lust has faded into the background of my life. Of course, as lust fades into the background, I am more and more able to keep my focus on serving without worrying if the woman is sufficiently attending to me or sees me fairly. More and more then, if I do need to address something, I can do it maturely in an inviting spirit that builds the relationship- not with side-comments or subtle slams or anger or coolness or withdrawal. Conversely, after relapses, I would start to notice “injustices” and take it out on those closest to me.
