There was always something about certain attractive women which fit a certain attraction template I had somehow created – which is a bit different for everyone. That triggered a kind of mystery I wanted resolved – like there was something she had having to do with my feeling whole that I needed to fathom – like this missing element was going to save me. I am sure the SSA men have some sense of what I am talking about relative to specific men…that a certain man with a certain look and characteristics is going to make all whole. When I am feeling disconnected, I still experience this… and feel compelled to check to see if that woman in that other car or at the grocery store, etc. has that certain mystery in face or form that could-have-would-have saved me. It was great to read today in Paul’s writing how we receive a fullness in Jesus and that he completes us (it said complete!). I totally got that. It really resonated. I have loved reading the scriptures as recovery progresses, because it seems like I can, more and more, say – OK that isn’t just a cool doctrinal thought, that is something I understand in my whole soul – something I experience!
