Note to sponsee:
The feelings you experience surrounding women such as the coworker at the gym are a particularly critical opportunity to come to God for your esteem and comfort – not by winning or pitting yourself against a woman nor trying to especially please her at the expense of your peace.
This is a wonderful cross. I say wonderful because it is wonderfully painful to come to this place of respect in the context of nagging or rejection – and it is wonderfully healing and freeing once you do.
For some particular addicts, there is a storehouse of self-pity and victim stancing, and resentment, and exaggerated expectations and fear of rejection, around women – that can be replaced with respect and patience and kindness and deflated (actually realistic) expectations. This can occur regardless of whether the woman is being disrespectful, impatient, or unkind. Once we come to this place, addressing issues when needed to build the relationship will come as second nature. And we don’t push our kindness patience and respect on women who have chosen to reject us – some may not want anything to do with you because they make something up about you – and we respect that too.
All psychobabble when you see the core of this – that our daily connection to God is both critical and sufficient. We do not depend on women anymore! We become men. We simply love women exactly as they are and bless their lives with little expectation of return. No more side comments, subtle slams, digs, blow-ups – nothing of the sort. We are full of living waters. We can address our desires and hopes and set our personal boundaries in kindness and love and in a way that motivates the feeling of being together and not against one another.
Keep surrendering these resentments and fears – this is a big one and takes time.