Yesterday I remembered how in my addiction, when I felt emotionally cornered, I would sometimes slip (flip!) into a reactive place where I utilized a wickedly efficient and sometimes subtle skill for targeting my wife’s most vulnerable hurts. In retrospect, I see that it was these moments, more than the betrayal, that tipped her over the divorce cliff. Betrayal + Berating = Bye Bye Bob.
Since my remarriage, I found myself dipping my toe into that place on two brief moments, but could immediately read the actual physical effects of my words (and much more than the words, it is the subtle and nasty spirit of their delivery) this time and retreated, for her safety, until I was at peace and able to deal with the issue out of love.
We forget how traumatizing we can be to our wives! One good targeted verbal assault and for years she shuts down every time our voice sounds pressured. Put your hand through the wall one time, and she shuts down every time you happen to close a fist. A lot of tenderness and a lot of time is required to re-establish trust. I can see why a man who has his wife’s trusting heart is a man fit for Celestial Glory!