The Becoming Approach
The Becoming Approach is how Connections Counseling treats sex addiction and unwanted sexual behavior in Orem, Murray, and online across Utah. It brings three parts together: the 30 Carnes Recovery Tasks give the work structure, the 12 Dimensions of Healthy Sexuality show what recovery leads toward, and the four Becoming Principles describe how lasting change takes root.
What are the three parts of the Becoming Approach?
These parts work together throughout treatment. You do not have to finish the recovery tasks before building a healthier sexual life; both happen side by side.
The Carnes Recovery Tasks
What do we need to work on?
A structured path for understanding unwanted sexual patterns, what they have cost, and how to change them. It gives recovery direction instead of leaving it to willpower.
The 12 Dimensions of Healthy Sexuality
What are we working toward?
A fuller picture of healthy sexuality and the life you want to build, so recovery is about more than avoiding a behavior.
The Becoming Principles
How does transformation happen?
How you work through what makes change hard, so healthier ways of living take hold and become part of who you are.
Together they lead toward an integrated, healthy sexual self: addressing unwanted sexual behavior and building a healthier, more fulfilling life at the same time.
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Take our quick, private assessment — answer a few simple questions and we'll match you with the Connections therapist best suited to what you're going through. About two minutes, and your answers never leave your device.
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From what you want to stop to the life you want to build
Many people know exactly what they want to stop, but find it hard to picture what healthy sexuality could look like in its place. Many also feel divided, wanting change while still being drawn toward familiar patterns. That tension is common, and working through it is part of the work.
The Becoming Approach is built to help with both: addressing the unwanted behavior and building something healthier where it used to be.
What are the Carnes Recovery Tasks?
The recovery work follows the 30 Carnes Recovery Tasks, a pathway developed by Patrick Carnes, PhD. Clients move through the tasks in order, at their own pace, using the Carnes workbooks. Each task is worked with healthy sexuality in view, not sobriety alone.
Tasks 1–7
Facing the Shadow
Early recovery: looking honestly at patterns and their consequences, and building stability.
Tasks 8–13
Recovery Zone, Volume 1
Inner work, including shame, grief, and how you relate to yourself.
Tasks 14–19
Recovery Zone, Volume 2
Rebuilding daily life: work, finances, health, relationships, and spiritual life.
Tasks 20–30
Carrying recovery into family, partnership, intimacy, and healthy sexuality.
What are the 12 Dimensions of Healthy Sexuality?
The 12 Dimensions describe the healthy sexual life recovery is meant to lead toward: personal, sexual, relational, and spiritual capacities that grow over time. They are not twelve more recovery tasks. Healthy sexuality is possible whether you are currently choosing celibacy or seeking a fulfilling sexual life with a partner.
- 01Nurturing
- 02Sensual Awareness
- 03Self-Image
- 04Self-Definition
- 05Openness
- 06Sexual Renewal
- 07Relationships
- 08Partnership
- 09Non-Genital Intimacy
- 10Genital Intimacy
- 11Spirituality
- 12Passion
Read what each dimension means
The 12 Dimensions of Healthy Sexuality originated with Patrick Carnes, PhD, and have been adapted, expanded, and rewritten in part by Kyle M. Reid, LMFT, CSAT-S, CPTT. © 2026 Becoming Institute for Sexual Health. All rights reserved.
What are the four Becoming Principles?
The recovery tasks show what to work on, and the 12 Dimensions show where you are headed. The Becoming Principles describe how change actually happens: how new understanding and practice take root until they become part of who you are.
- 1
Vision of Hope
What is happening, and how could it be different?
Seeing your situation honestly, and picturing a healthier possibility.
- 2
Reconciliation
What keeps me from living that healthier possibility?
Working through the inner conflict that pulls you back, until a new understanding emerges.
- 3
Commitment
What must I choose or practice differently?
Backing that understanding with choices, practices, relationships, and structure.
- 4
Becoming
How is this becoming part of who I am?
Healthier ways of seeing, choosing, and living settling into who you are.
The principles draw on one another. They can unfold together or in sequence, and be revisited as understanding deepens. They apply to the whole recovery journey and also to a single dimension, relationship, or daily choice. Becoming is ongoing growth, not a final state of perfection.
What does the Becoming Approach look like in treatment?
Your therapist helps you work out where to begin and what needs attention now, with your circumstances and goals in view.
Individual therapy
One-on-one work with a clinician trained in sex addiction treatment, including Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs), shaped around your situation and goals.
Groups in four phases
Confidential weekly groups. Each phase pairs a set of the Carnes Recovery Tasks with three of the 12 Dimensions, and each member moves through them at their own pace.
Care for partners and couples
Betrayal trauma support for partners, coordinated with recovery work, plus a three-day Couples Intensive in Murray through the Becoming Institute.
Shaped around your values
People come to us with different religious, moral, cultural, relational, and sexual values. The work is built around yours, with faith-sensitive care available.
See how the four phases run week to week in our sexual addiction and betrayal trauma groups.
The Becoming Approach is our clinical framework for helping people address unwanted sexual behavior and develop healthy sexuality. The Carnes Recovery Tasks were developed by Patrick Carnes, PhD. The 12 Dimensions of Healthy Sexuality originated with Dr. Carnes and have been adapted for this approach. The Becoming Principles grew out of years of clinical work with clients. Every person's path is different, so we do not promise particular outcomes.
Who is the Becoming Approach for?
- People caught in compulsive pornography use or sexual behaviors despite wanting to stop
- Those whose behavior is harming their marriage, family, faith, or work
- Clients who've tried to stop alone and need real structure and accountability
- Anyone who wants to build healthy sexuality, not only avoid unwanted behavior
- People of faith who want recovery that respects their values
- Partners affected by betrayal, and couples working to rebuild together
Related care at Connections Counseling
The Becoming Approach guides our sex addiction and betrayal recovery care specifically. It sits alongside the rest of the Connections Counseling service menu, where our clinicians use the approaches suited to each concern, such as EFT for couples and EMDR for trauma. Many clients in recovery also engage:
Frequently Asked Questions
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Recovery starts with one honest conversation
Book a free, confidential 30-minute consultation to see if the Becoming Approach is the right fit for you.