Recommended Reading & Recovery Resources

How to use this list

Understanding how compulsive sexual behavior works, what supports it, and how recovery actually happens makes a real difference. We encourage people to read.

A word on what has changed here. This list previously lived on our old website and had not been reviewed in some years. In moving it we removed several links that no longer resolve, and a couple of sites we are no longer comfortable pointing people toward — not because their intentions were bad, but because the claims they make about the neuroscience of pornography have outrun what the research currently supports. We would rather send you to fewer places you can trust.

Books are organized by who you are in this situation, because that matters more than the topic.

For the person struggling with compulsive behavior

• Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction — Patrick Carnes. The foundational text in this field, and the basis of the CSAT training our therapists hold.
• Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery — Patrick Carnes. More of a structured workbook; a practical starting point.
• A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps — Patrick Carnes. Widely used alongside fellowship participation.
• In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior — Carnes, Delmonico & Griffin. Specifically about online behavior.
• Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction — Mark Laaser. Written from an explicitly Christian perspective.
• Confronting Pornography: A Guide to Prevention and Recovery — Chamberlain, Gray & Reid. Latter-day Saint framing; written for individuals, families, and leaders.
• Forgiving Ourselves: Getting Back Up When We Let Ourselves Down — Wendy Ulrich. Latter-day Saint framing, and useful on shame specifically.

For the betrayed partner

If you are the partner, start here rather than with the books above. General addiction literature tends to centre the person with the addiction, which can leave partners feeling like a supporting character in their own injury.

• Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts — Stefanie Carnes, editor. The most commonly recommended starting point for partners.
• After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful — Janis Abrahms Spring.
• How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To — Janis Abrahms Spring. Notable for refusing to treat forgiveness as obligatory.
• NOT "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity — Shirley Glass.
• Living With Your Husband's Secret Wars — Marsha Means.
• The Dance of Anger and The Dance of Intimacy — Harriet Lerner. Not about addiction specifically; excellent on anger, boundaries, and patterns in close relationships.
• Codependent No More — Melody Beattie. Widely used, though worth reading critically — the codependency framework has been fairly criticized for placing responsibility on partners, and betrayal trauma is a more accurate lens for most of what partners experience.

For couples working on repair

• Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity — Geoff Steurer & Mark Chamberlain.
• Sex, Lies, and Forgiveness: Couples Speak Out on Healing From Sexual Addiction — Jennifer Schneider.
• Open Hearts: Renewing Relationships With Recovery, Romance and Reality — Carnes, Laaser & Laaser.
• Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love — Sue Johnson. The accessible introduction to Emotionally Focused Therapy, which several of our therapists practice.
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work — John Gottman. The best general marriage book we know of, and grounded in decades of observational research.
• Take Back Your Marriage — William Doherty.
• The Peacegiver — James Ferrell. Latter-day Saint framing.

For parents

Our own article on talking to children about pornography covers the practical ground in shorter form.

• Ten Talks Parents Must Have With Their Children About Sex and Character — Schwartz & Cappello.
• How and When to Tell Your Kids About Sex — Brenna & Stan Jones.
• Between Parent and Child — Haim Ginott. Not about pornography at all; still one of the best books on talking to children in a way that keeps them talking to you.
• What's the Big Deal About Pornography? A Guide for the Internet Generation — Jill Manning. Latter-day Saint framing, written for teens and parents.

Support fellowships

These are free, peer-led, and available across Utah. Most have both in-person and online meetings.

Fellowship and therapy do different jobs. Meetings provide community, accountability, and continuity between sessions; therapy provides trained clinical help with trauma, mental health, and relationship repair. Many of our clients use both.

• Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) — sa.org
• Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) — saa-recovery.org
• COSA — for partners and family members affected by another's compulsive sexual behavior — cosa-recovery.org
• Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA) — for couples working recovery together — recovering-couples.org
• The Addiction Recovery Program of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints — a twelve-step program with meetings throughout Utah, including groups specific to pornography use, and open to anyone.

A note on what you read online

There is a great deal of material about pornography on the internet, and much of it makes confident neuroscientific claims that the research does not currently support in the strong form they are stated.

We would gently suggest reading it the way you would read anything else about your health: notice whether a claim names a study, an author, and a year, and be more skeptical when it does not. Our own article on the statistics goes through what the peer-reviewed evidence actually shows, including the parts that are genuinely unsettled.

When you want more than a reading list

Books are a good beginning and they are not an assessment. If you want to know what is actually going on for you specifically, that is a conversation.

Our CSAT-trained and CPTT-trained clinicians work in Orem, Murray, and online across Utah. Start with a free 30-minute consultation: call 801.272.3420, text 801.997.8760, or book online.